The first name on our baby list was Grace…then a few others…Samara was about fourth in line. It made it because its meaning, “guarded by God” is meaningful and precious and we loved the nickname, Sammi. But it wasn’t a strong contender…until we saw you, just shy of ten pounds and hair we could braid. And suddenly there was no other choice. You embodied Samara…and still do.
While my biggest child, Ethan, at over two, still sits contentedly in his crib without even a thought yet of climbing out…you had jumped over that hurdle shortly after turning one. You have energy and a physicality that you seem unable to bridle.
In my foolish moments I have questioned God about why you were my first-born…why he didn’t allow me to get some motherhood cultivation under my belt first. I see many of my own weaknesses in you which at times makes me shudder but also provides a clearly seen roadmap to the holes or sometimes caverns I have found myself in. And to avoid a “blind leading the blind” situation I am propelled into strengthening myself in order to do just that…and that, even to this point, has been painful. You have pulled me into the Throne of Grace drug by heels enough to have now learned to run ahead so that there is a precursory prostration of myself beforehand. You have taught me prayer.
But do not for one moment let my sanctification confuse you about my love for you. I see you. I see your strengths and your heart. I see your struggle to understand what it means to be a leader. I see your spirit that keeps a small record of wrongs…forgiving and giving. I see your sense of justice and your ability to come alongside others. The way you seem unable to bend to others’ wishes and desires for you that in Godly character will allow you to step out and do incredible and unexpected things.
You are quick in mind…like your dad. And if printed books last another decade, I know that you will be the one who will spend cherished time in a bookstore, perusing and reading with me. But I will go anywhere with you. I will be the first to buy one of your decorated cakes, believe in one of your inventions or read one of the books you have authored…wherever your dreams or vision lead.
Know who you are in God. Find your adventure with God. Take nothing less.